An honest (and humorous) look at the ups and downs in the life of a first-time mom

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Mental Blogging

I blog a lot...in my head.

I lay awake at night composing funny/witty/meaningful blog posts, all of which evaporate as soon as insomnia finally gives up the good fight and I fall asleep. Apparently my insomnia has read Dylan Thomas and fully believes it should rage, rage against the dying of the light.

During the day, usually as I am in the middle of some sort of involved task (diaper changes, dishes, trying to find the damn binky), blog posts spring fully-formed from my subconscious and I think: Wow, I should really  go type this up. Or at least write it down. Or maybe just write a few key words to remind me later. 

HA! Yeah...not so much.

Obviously parenting doesn't lend itself to prolific blogging. At least not for me. Lucas is not so much of a *solo-play guy*. He loves, needs, demands my attention during the majority of his waking hours. Unless he is playing with Blazer's kibble and water dishes...then he wants to be left alone and will *play* in utter silence. Call me crazy, but there is only so much gross kibble soup that I can clean up on a daily basis. Seriously, folks.

So yeah...blogging has taken a backseat to parenting. Who am I kidding, blogging got left behind at the bar, along with my size 4/6 hips & thighs (sigh), my brain, and my ability to sleep in until whenever the heck I wanted. (To be clear, I still possess the ability to sleep in...it is the 19-mo-old dictator that I live with who has decided that sleeping in soooooo last season and that we must rise with the sun, if not earlier, most mornings.) Blerg.

I'm okay with the whole *not getting to blog as much as I want* thing...most days. But some days, it kills me. I'm a wordy person. I like words...reading them, listening to them, speaking them, writing them...and sometimes I just kind of feel like I am going to explode with all of my unsaid/unwritten words. Pretty, huh?

So I guess this post has no real point/purpose/meaning other than fulfilling this crazy need of mine to take my thoughts and record them down somewhere and send them out into oblivion.

I think I am going to try to start writing down blog post ideas as I come up with them, in the hopes that perhaps I will actually be able to get them put into some sort of coherent form at a later time.

We will see.

Honestly, I am really hoping that I will have a bit more time for blogging once the hubs is done with school for the semester. I am not blaming him in any way for my utter failing at posting regularly, but it is quite difficult to etch out some time for yourself (let alone blogging) when your other half is consumed with homework and studying and projects (and this is after he comes home from working 8 hours). Seriously you guys, my hubs is a rock star and I am beyond proud of him for doing so well in school. And I know the fact that I keep everything humming behind the scenes helps him to be able to focus on school, which is as it should be. We are a team and right now, his college education is taking a front seat in our lives. I have no doubt that he would do the same for me if our positions were reversed.

But they aren't. And as proud of him as I am, and as much as I understand how important it is for all of us that he do well in school...I still have my days when I just want to not be *on duty* all day long, even after he gets home from work. I have my days when I just want to sit, in a quiet room, and do nothing (except maybe eat some dark chocolate). Please be clear: I do not, in any way, resent my husband and the fact that he is in school right now. This is the season we are in right now, and it will not last forever.

I am just tired. REALLY tired. I need some *me time* and though the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter and closer than it has been all semester long (one more week to go!!), I am also worn very thin and am basically planning to limp my way through this next week.

So that's pretty much how things are going right now. There are good days (like today) and there are bad days and there are days that are just...days...

I am already making plans on how I shall reclaim my Momma Mojo once the semester is done and I can get out for more quality *me* time. A massage, a chiropractic adjustment, a pedicure, an afternoon in a local coffee shop reading, a dinner out with the hubs, a weekend away with my BSF (best sister friend...she's my best friend and my sister-in-law, but I hate saying the *in-law* part because she feels like my blood and soul sister), a solo trip to the Bay Area for my soon to be sister-in-law's bridal shower (during which I am also hoping to catch up with some of my lovely friends from middle/high school)...

I am really hoping that God is not up there laughing at all of my planning!!

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